Revelation of the Day

or

wanna know why I practice yoga?

 

Lately

I've been

fitful

frustrated

fragile                                                             

                                                                                 

My jaw

has been

poppin' n lockin'

clicking n clacking

My vertigo

has been

spinning                                                                  

out of control                                                

Today                                                                      

during

yoga practice

In my attempt                                                      

of

Krishnamacharya School

(the dreaded)

Kapotasana

Kneeling

Stamping

my foundation

Reaching

up

up

up

Looking

back

back

back

Reaching 

for

Kapotasana

I noticed

my jaw

Strained

Clenched

Locked

 

That's it.I thought.My clenched jaw is straining my asana.My clenched jaw is locking my life.

 

So

Again.

Kneeling

Stamping

my foundation

Reaching

up

up

up

Looking

back

back

back

Reaching for 

Kapotasana

Mindful                                                         

Relaxed jaw

Relaxed breath

Relaxed mind.

Oh,I thought,THAT'S so different.

Whew.*

 

I continued

Mindful

Jaw relaxed.

 

Everything

Changed.

 

"How long have you been clenching your jaw?"said one of my yoga mates.

I said,"I don't know.Maybe days,weeks,months.Years? God,where have I been?"

 

Then

It hit me

Why 

I practice.

Yoga:

Bringing 

the Obvious

To

the Unconscious.

 

*in the fairy tale version,I would say "..then I flowed like a waterfall,head touching mat, fingers touching toes."   But the reality is, "maybe next Life..."

 

 

 

Pranayama yo' Mama

Leigh Bowery,London 1990.Photograph by Steve Pyke

*pranayama;
Sanskrit
 harnessing the “life force” (breath)


Yoga is
A never ending journey.
Over the years I have had the privilege of working with many wonderful, patient teachers and apprentices.
(except maybe that teacher in Oaxaca who knocked me over while adjusting me in a standing forward fold which resulted in my unnatural fear of standing forward folds.)

Although I am a teacher myself(fashion,not yoga)
I am kind of a challenging student
Not on purpose.
But I can be a dope.

I listen but don’t always really hear.
(Though not on purpose.)
I have chronic vertigo.
Knee issues
The only “muscle memory” my body possesses
Is that of it’s bad habits.
My “monkey mind” is a little too chatty.
My excuses are sometimes rational (to me)
And often irrational (even to me)
“Oh,there’s a chip in my toenail polish..”
etc etc.
Life gets in the way...
(or at least,that's what I allow)

So
In the new year,
After my teacher, *David Garrigues’ Bhakti Bash
Working with asana
And the *harnessing of breath
I have been amazed at the power
Of a little extra effort
Pranayama practice.

(David Garrigues, who has been my teacher for quite sometime now,probably feels like banging his head against the wall reading over these words.He’s been talking pranayama for,like,forever. )


What I did yesterday
I may not be able to do today
And tomorrow
May be another totally different story.
Impermanence rules.

The only sure thing is
Breath
It propels
It transforms
It focuses.
And when that stops
Everything stops.

Not to send you (or me) down any marigold path.
What I’m experiencing is
a hairline crack
of a glimmer
of this self induced power.

But,I’m starting to get it now.
Better late than not at all.

*Check out David Garrigues talking about the practice and pranayama

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Sb4ZWabCNHE

photograph by Joanna Darlington

Being Kafka’s 'Metamorphosis'

My biggest yoga fear.
Getting stuck.
In an asana(posture).
I often joked about it
With an analogy of my yoga struggles-
“ Have you ever read Kafka’s ‘Metamorphosis’?”

Then one day
It happened.
In a quiet Mysore room.
Only the sound of breath.
I was working on Bhujapidasana *
“Arm pressure posture”
Curled up like a little bug.
Balanced on my arms.
Inhale.
Exhale.
Head to floor
Five breaths.
Inhale.
Up.

Well,I got my head on the floor.
Then,I froze.
“Dear Ganesh”,I thought,”It’s happened.My biggest yoga fear.I’m stuck.”
I held my breath.
My muscles locked.
I felt a little like Vincent Price in “The Fly”
“Help me, help me”
Caught in my web of fear.

I tried to get the attention of the woman next to me.
“Psst.Psst.”
No response.
She was too damn focused on her practice to notice.
I was stuck.
“Kafka’s ‘Metamorphosis’  This is it.” I thought.
I laughed.
Crash.
I collapsed.
The floor shook.
My teacher came over,looked at me and raised an eyebrow.
“I got stuck in Bhujapidasana” I said.
“Oh.Head up your ass”,he said
And walked away.

Now,many practices later
Yoganidrasana*
“Yogi sleep posture”
Lie down.
Ankles crossed behind the head.
I recently saw a photograph of a young boy in this asana.
On the cover of “The National Enquirer”
I thought,”I see people do this everyday.”

And so, I attempt it.
With block and blanket.
A little bug on her back
Wiggling into the modification to cross my ankles
Behind my head
“Right over left or left over right?”
I can never remember the prescribed order.
All those legs behind my head!

I laugh
Once again.
Kafka’s “Metamorphosis”

*to see these asanas and others,please checkout the website of my current teacher-David Garrigues -www.davidgarrigues.com and YOUtube his fantastic Asana Kitchen videos.

Confessions of a Yoga Hussy....the beginning

My confessions.
About my love affairs.
With words.
With people.
With images.
With the ordinary.
(which is not)
With life .
And it's oxymorons.
And,yes,yoga....




The Ashtanga Yoga School of Philadelphia( http://www.aysphiladelphia.com/)where I practice- honored me by asking that I write something for the website as "featured student".
This is it.
And so it begins....


Confessions of a “Yoga Hussy”
I did not choose this ashtanga practice- the practice found me.
Never in this lifetime have I been a Flipper,Flyer or Bendy Barbie.My mother often tells the story of my early childhood dance lessons and how it took a year for me to finally master a cartwheel.

I live and breathe fashion- went to design school in New York,worked on 7th.Avenue.All flash and glam.
I  disco roller skated,went to the gym,pumped iron,did aerobics,studied tae kwon do and took up spin class.Once I got a yoga video out of the library and attempted “Tree” and “Mountain” pose- not too successfully.
A friend suggested  “Bikram yoga” -I liked the intensity. That studio brought in a teacher from New York and made the switch to Ashtanga. Within no time this was to evolve into a Mysore room.Not quite sure what that would really mean,I googled some images and thought “what the hell is going on in there?”
That was over a dozen years ago.
The practice found me.
And I found my practice.

I never did a backbend or headstand until I was more than several decades into this life.At AYS I am often in a room where I have tattoos older than most of the lovely people practicing beside me.When an asana looks so impossible (and many do)
I think “I’ll save that one for my next life.”
The breath- yes,that natural habit we all have- has so much power.And yet,I STILL cannot harness it!
The bhandas! The roots/locks- still so often elude my attempts.
But I will continue to try.
Nothing is perfect.
Or permanent.

It is difficult to articulate all that transpires and transforms from practicing Ashtanga.The blogoshpere and Facebook are chockablock with those perhaps more eloquent than I on this matter.However, for me,this practice changes everything-internally,externally,redefines ego and humility ,discourages competition and encourages introspection,learning and re-learning.
Again.
And again.
It sometimes shouts but more often it whispers - very quietly.
So as is life on and off the mat.

I have been studying and “flowing on the crooked path” with David Garrigues shortly after he settled in Philadelphia.